It's late, and Caleb should be asleep, but instead he's awake and in our bed, curled up in my arms. We talk about his day, and about the difference between a beard and a moustache, and about pizza. He's so little in my arms, and getting so much bigger each day.
Sometimes I see him as he will become, and I'm excited about the life he'll live, and sad that one day he'll leave us. I feel in those moments the fiercest love, so strong that sometimes it makes me cry, like now. I wipe my eyes, because he wouldn't understand how tears can come from happiness and sadness all mixed together in a good way, in a way that makes you understand in your heart, maybe for only a few seconds, how only a few things in life are important at all, and how vastly important those few things are.
"I've got to go to the doctor," he says, "so he can see if I have Jesus in my heart."
"I believe Jesus is there."
"Yeah." A smile. A hug around my neck. "Sometimes my heart is broken."
I feel like an alcoholic brother who keeps showing up on your doorstep, swearing that he's mended his ways. I know I haven't written much lately. I missed you, though.
In lieu of creative content from me, I engaged the lovely and talented Robyn, from Sekimori's outfit, to spiff the place up a bit. She's doing things like loading a mySQL database, or something like that, which, though I have no idea what it means exactly, is supposed to be really cool and important. So eat your hearts out, all you non-mySQL blogging slobs.
She's also installing something that not only blocks these weasels who keep advertising their South American pharmaceuticals and online poker sites within my comments, but actually sends out an Internet spider that tracks them down to their home computers, where it then injects them with a virus that causes a slow, painful death. Or maybe I just dreamed that last part.
Robyn also put in a place to the left where you'll now find pictures. I plan to change them at random intervals. They'll mostly be of the kids, because a) my wife is way too hot to have her picture floating around the blogosphere; b) she said she'll kill me if I take one more picture of her while she's pregnant; and c) only occasionally is the lighting and camera quality just right so that I look good in a picture. So expect pics of the kids. Maybe a sunset or a bowl of fruit. But mostly the youngsters.
Finally, Robyn took the text I had at Caroline's old site, and built something beautiful with it here. She took the project personally, as you can see.
Thank you, Robyn. In addition to being a good mommy, you are a webslinging sweetheart.
