March 24, 2003
The World According to Betty
I receive at seemingly random intervals an email from Writer's Market. The latest informs that a new online magazine called Betty is seeking submissions. The email references its own Market Watch publication, which quotes someone from Betty, who explains that the new zine's target audience is "the real woman...not the homemaker, but the educated, independent, serious woman and girl."
The real woman. Not the woman who sacrifices a career because she believes she can do more good in the world by raising and teaching her children herself. So what if she has wrestled for years with the challenges, for example, of raising her children in adherence to her faith? That doesn't compare with hustling to get appointed Executive Mid-Manager in MegaCorporation ABC, after all. Get real, mom. You are merely managing the moral, physical, and intellectual development of human beings; it's not like you are putting together PowerPoint slides comparing the costs of competing stationary vendors.
Not that the homemaker could do something like that, because she is, implies Betty, uneducated. Educated women, you see, don't stay home. How do we know? Because the sweethearts at Betty, along with their pseudo-intellectual ilk who infest the coastal cities, look around themselves and see educated women working. None of these smart women would dream of staying home with the kids. Ipso facto, educated women don't stoop to such an enterprise.
It is remarkable that the same people who can sit through an anthropology class and nod with reverence at the pagan bloodletting practices of Central African animists can evince such intolerance at the life choices of their fellow citizens. Surely it has occurred to them that there are homemakers who are educated and serious, whose lives are real?
No, it probably has not, because they don't know any beyond perhaps their mothers, and if I had a dime for every feminist I've met who holds her own mother in contempt I would be able to afford a big advertisement in Betty that says: "Stretch marks: the sign of a REAL woman."
So we are reduced to argument from personal experience. The problem with using anecdotes to make sweeping claims is that they are easily refuted by contradictory anecdotes. For example, in my personal network the wisest women all happen to be mothers who stay (or stayed) home with their children. They are also the most serious; they are staking out a life that is at odds with popular culture and the received wisdom of the Ivory Tower. Does this prove that educated, serious, real women always choose the life of mother and homemaker? Of course not, any more than the absence of real homemakers from the parochial Betty network is evidence that such don't exist. I'd be happy to introduce the Betty chicks to some real women who work in the home, if they could stand to leave the gripping reality of their decorated offices and cappuccino machines long enough to venture out into the vast stretches of imaginary America that don't mimic Murphy Brown.
I'm sure there are some activities more serious than training up one's own flesh and blood. Condoleeza Rice's job comes to mind. And Mother Theresa. Say, do any of the sweetie-pies at Betty work in national security fields, or devote their time and health to the poor?
I'm betting not so much. No, I suspect the Betty lovey-doves are ninety-percent single, childless freelance writers who sporadically emit educated, serious scribblings about the importance of remaining educated and serious by avoiding childbirth and childrearing. To do otherwise would not be to keep it real.
I could write more, but soon I must return home to my wife with two degrees who has been flitting about the house all day, reveling in the unserious fantasy-land that is raising two little boys. It's good I make enough money for her to stay at home. Otherwise she might have to enter the cruel, difficult, real world of memos, corporate expense accounts, and pantyhose. I'm so glad I can shelter the little lamb.
Posted by Woodlief on March 24, 2003 at 08:17 AM
Clinton killed feminism as a serious political force forever methinks. However, that doesn't mean its death throes won't take a while.
I'm willing to bet that Betty doesn't last more than a year or two at most.
Posted by: Dean Esmay at March 24, 2003 8:41 AM
Next you're going to tell us that you actually enjoyed reading Wild At Heart. (smile) NAG's loss is our gain.
Posted by: greg walllace at March 24, 2003 8:46 AM
Your email notification was right - NOW is more likely to call the mob and hire a hitman for you and have you speak at one of their events.
Of course, I'd consider that a complement.
Good post, by the way. As if it would be any other way...
Posted by: Deoxy at March 24, 2003 10:46 AM
My wife does not have stretch marks, but she does have the privilege of chasing a pre-schooler (God blessing us through adoption) around the house. Now that is pro-choice, pro-life!
I had the rare honor of being my son's primary caregiver for about six months while I was between (ahem) jobs. I wish all men (that had the desire to do so) could at least have a few months of Mr. Mom living, because it can bless you far beyond your greatest expectations. Even after 3 years I find myself being a little jealous of my wife, but I am very thankful that we can afford (kinda) for her to stay at home with our son.
Posted by: MarcV at March 24, 2003 1:09 PM
My wife stays home with our daughter while putting the finishing touches on her Phd in English Literature. She is having the time of her life, and knows she is missing out on nothing worth talking about in making this choice. Interestingly, however, she gets some of the same down the nose looks from "pure" stay at home moms and she does from the working moms and nonmoms. I agree with Tony that there is way too much of a holier than thou attitude from the aging feminists, but there is a dash of it from the other end of the spectrum as well. Human nature, perhaps?
Posted by: PDS at March 24, 2003 1:42 PM
Good post as usual. It almost sounds like the old Tony. It's the ring, the ring is call you.
Posted by: Tim Plett at March 24, 2003 2:02 PM
I just have to comment on this. When we die, as a man or a woman, our real legacy would most likely not the mark we made in the corporate world but by the children we leave behind. My wife didn't have to tell me twice that she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. She is the real woman, much more real to me than the corporate wannabes whom leave the kids at daycare, that is if they hadn't aborted them.
Posted by: GB at March 27, 2003 2:27 PM
I imagine these "real" women, like most of us when we hit a certain age, will find themselves doing a bit of stocktaking. And I would guess that more than a few of them will come to the terrible realization that slaving away for a corporation, building an impressive resume, and having lots of expensive toys that they don't even have time to enjoy was a waste of their time, a waste of their lives.
How "real" is the number of affluent, childless couples who treat their dogs and cats as if they were four-legged children? ("Here's what's been happening to Jason, Heather, and Rex since our last Christmas card. Rex has been getting straight-A's at obedience school, and he will graduate with honors in the Spring...) Yea, right. Real.
Posted by: jim at March 30, 2003 4:50 PM
Posted by: Jessica at March 31, 2003 9:14 PM