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March 24, 2005

Eli is very proud that he can now get a cup from the cupboard on his own, and reach the water dispenser on our refrigerator door with only minimal chance of dousing himself. I know he is proud of this new ability not because he says so, but because right now there are about fifteen little plastic cups sitting precariously on various tables and counters throughout my house, each half full of water. Some have bits of Goldfish cracker on their rims, other have colorful twirly straws protruding from them; I even found one with half a cookie in the bottom. The other night I watched him use three different cups in a span of five minutes.

And talk about pride going before a fall -- every one of these cups is no more than three centimeters from the edge of its respective perch.

A few weeks ago Eli gave the wife some instruction about how potty time will work from now on: "Mom, when I say 'I'm done,' don't say 'just a minute' -- come wipe me!"

I suppose I would be impatient too. There is nothing so humbling as waiting for someone to wipe your behind.

Come to think of it, there is. It's being in the middle of a serious conversation on a spiritual matter with friends who respect you, and having a bit of wisdom on the tip of your tongue, and opening your mouth to impart that wisdom to your friends, only to be interrupted by a command bellowed from the bathroom down the hall:

"WIPE MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!"

Yeah, you're suddenly not so smart when that happens.

Posted by Woodlief on March 24, 2005 at 07:34 AM


I can see God going through the rest of His universe, getting ready to impart wisdom to the other inhabitants, who are all ready to hear His word, and then a plaintive wail erupts from Earth:


Posted by: MMM at March 24, 2005 8:55 AM

It's happened to me, too, many times. Only in our house, the plea is, "I'm done going POOOOOOPY." We just conquered the next challenge of learning to wipe yourself. Tired of the wiping ritual, I drew a line in the sand at my son's 5th birthday. Funny, when you have kids you don't think about the mechanics of actually having to teach someone to wipe. Suddenly I find myself uttering sentences I never imagined.

Posted by: Susan at March 24, 2005 10:20 AM

My youngest first learned to handle his own post-defacatory maintenance at around 5, but for months wanted a second opinion on his effacacy. Therefore he would leave his deposit, refresh his posterior, then paddle out, bend over and demand a spot-check.

Tim McNabb

Posted by: Tim McNabb at March 24, 2005 10:55 AM

RE: Tim, the visual on that spot check got me good, nice gut laughter...

Posted by: Josh Harmon at March 24, 2005 12:01 PM

LOL. Let me assure you that what the friends-you're-talking-with-seriously think about you is NOTHING compared to what the friends-who-take-your-child-out-for-pizza are thinking about you!

I recently took out neighbors along with my kids for pizza after church. The little girl insisted I go to the bathroom with her. I thought she was just clingy. NO! She was planning her bathroom trip with an eye to who was going to wipe her. It was a shock for me that she thought this was a good plan, and a shock for her that I didn't!

Posted by: Lucy at March 24, 2005 12:21 PM

[Clint Eastwood clinched teeth] A man's gotta know his priorities.[/c e c t]

Hmmm, continue giving informed opinions to the group or wiping my son's rear? No contest.

Posted by: MarcV at March 24, 2005 1:00 PM

Ah…the Timeless Amusement of Potty Humor

I was cradling my colleague's 7-week-old son in my lap yesterday at work - hoping to muster a smile to help uplift my sour "nothing's going right today" mood. Instead I was met with a scowl that would make even Donald Rumsfeld flinch. So I bounced him on my knees – mustering something more than I had hoped for (unfortunately). I ended up awakening the once dormant chambers of the child’s bowels. And after he nearly burnt a hole through his pants (and mine) – practically sending the boy upward bound like a rocket – I was finally greeted with a sweet little grin and giggle.

Yeah – real funny alright. Welcome to a world where that act will continue to be funny for the rest of your life.

Posted by: Scarlett at March 25, 2005 10:18 AM

I vaughly remeber giving that sort of command to my parents...After all, it was only 17 or so years ago.

Those were the days...not like high school lol.

Posted by: Dan Meyers at March 29, 2005 10:45 AM