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March 04, 2003
Excerpts From the Email Account of WhateverPundit

To: Whateverpundit
From: Newpundit
Subject: Your blog

I'm just writing to say that I think your blog is great. You really stick it to those liberals. In case you're interested, I also have a blog, at www.newpundit.com. My writing is a lot like yours and . . .

To: Whateverpundit
From: iamspartacus@aol.com
Subject: Your writing

I really like your writing. You display a sensitive quality that I think betrays your sensuous nature. Have you ever thought of being with another man? Just hear me out . . .

To: Instapundit
From: Whateverpundit
Subject: Your latest Tech Central Station essay

Dear Glenn,
I'm just writing to say that I think your work is excellent. Your latest essay on powerplant deregulation? Brilliant! I also have a blog . . .

To: Vodkapundit
From: Whateverpundit
Subject: Your latest post

Dear Stephen,
I'm just writing to say that I think your writing is wonderful. Your latest essay on war with Iraq gave me chill bumps -- I mean real live bumps on my skin! Let's roll, baby! I also have a blog . . .

To: Whateverpundit
From: Austrianecon@yahoo.com
Subject: Your comments on rent control

I read your post from 9/17/02 on the topic of rent control and I think you are missing an important point, which is that subjective values are deeply interconnected with the Maslowian hierarchy, such that they are not necessarily asymptotic to satiation, as is predicted by the concept of marginal utility. My approach is laid out on my site, www.oldnewaustrianecon.org. I'm a twelfth-year graduate student at SUNY-Binghamton (part-time) and my area of focus is the pre-Hegelian Austrian economists. The post-Hegelians get all of the attention, but . . .

To: Whateverpundit
From: Lisa98274kad048kadl98478lad0ae
Subject: It grows!

Now you can enlarge your penis with this proven and effective method from . . .

To: Whateverpundit
From: George0293803mdk094kad0z
Subject: Watch it grow!

Now you can enlarge your income with this proven and effective method from . . .

To: Whateverpundit
From: Newpundit
Subject: Your latest post

Hey, it's Larry from www.newpundit.com. I think your latest post on used car salesmen was hilarious! They ought to have you in the back of National Review instead of that David Frum guy! By the way, have you had a chance to check out my blog? I was hoping you could link to it. In my latest post I talk about . . .

To: Jonahnro@aol.com
From: Whateverpundit
Subject: Your essay in National Review

Dear Jonah,
I've followed your work for some time and I just want to tell you I think it's great. It's original, it's funny, and just when you think it's not going to get any better, bam! you hit us with something right between the eyes. I think it's important to make 'em laugh and make 'em cry, and you do both.

I was wondering if you could give me some advice. Just between you and me, I think the back page of the print issue has gone way downhill since Florence King left. I've got some really original stuff on my site, www.whateverpundit.com, and I think it could fit really well there, you know, following on the King legacy. (Ha ha ha! who would have thought that National Review would ever care about continuing the King legacy! Get it? Florence King, Martin Luther King? Not that I'm against civil rights, I just mean . . .

To: Whateverpundit
From: Mybodymychoice@hotmail.com
Subject: Your hate speech

I don't normally read garbage like yours, but I followed a link to your site and read your little rant on "partial birth abortion." First of all, if you bothered to read anything besides your Bible and Mein Kampf, you'd understand that there's no such thing, okay? There's no birth involved, and we all know that a fraction of zero is zero, so there goes the inflammatory "partial birth" term right out the window, and as for that other word, just who do you think you are to condemn millions of women by using hate speech? In case you haven't noticed, it's about choice, you jerk, not that a-word. The only a-word that applies here is what you are, which is an . . .

To: Whateverpundit
From: iamspartacus@aol.com
Subject: My last email

Hey, I'm worried I scared you with my last email. I come off as too passionate sometimes -- hey, I'm Sicilian, as you could probably tell from the picture I sent you. I hope that wasn't over the top, I mean its not like I always wear a black leather thong, I was just in one of those moods and . . .

To: Whateverpundit
From: Newpundit
Subject: My last email

Hey, it's Larry again, from www.newpundit.com. I really really like your writing and I know a lot of other people do too, because I checked out your site hits. Four hundred a day! Wow! I only get thirty a day, and a lot of those are my girlfriend. I was hoping you could link to me . . .

To: Whateverpundit
From: Pixie1269@aol.com
Subject: Your blog

Hi, I'm writing to say I really really like your writing. I've just started my own blog, called "Girl With a Rant" (www.girlwitharant.blogspot.com) which is all about being a single twenty-something in L.A., with some of my thoughts about economics and war with Iraq thrown in as well . . .

To: Pixie1269@aol.com
From: Whateverpundit
Subject: Re: Your blog

Dear Pixie, I checked out your site and I think it's great, and I'm putting your link at the top of the Recommended Sites section of my blog. Your take on the war with Iraq, and how we should just get after it, is really original. I wrote the same thing on my blog last week. I like the way you think. I'd be glad to give you pointers or tips on how to really make your blog successful. We can do that by email, or if you'd like to call me, I'm at . . .

To: Whateverpundit
From: sweetinnocentpuppies@hotmail.com
Subject: Question

Okay don't delete this, alright? It's iamspartacus@aol.com. I'm getting return messages that you are blocking my emails. Why are you doing this? I just want to have a conversation. I feel like I've been laying myself out here, just keeping it real, and you won't even write back . . .

To: Whateverpundit
From: Newpundit
Subject: My emails

This is Larry. Not to give you a hard time, but I've sent you like ten emails, and you haven't responded. It's okay because I know you are busy and everything, but I was hoping you could link to my site. Your readers would love it, because a lot of the time what you write on, you know, what's on the front page of the Post and the Times and on Instapundit, that's exactly what I'm writing on too! What's even better is that we agree like 150% of the time! It's like our brains are joined at the hip . . .

To: Whateverpundit
From: George@FerragoAccounting.com
Subject: Get back to work, jackass

Hey Bret, it's George. You remember me, your BOSS. Heh heh, I'm just giving you a hard time. Pretty cool site you've got here. I've been catching up on all your views about your work environment. I never knew you were so opinionated! I wonder if there's anything about me in here? Oh well, heh heh, I'll find it soon enough. Seriously, I hope you aren't posting anything while you are at work . . .

To: Bill@MecklinAccounting.com
From: Bret
Subject: Hey man

Hey, bud! I haven't talked to you in forever! Anyway, I was just thinking about old times, and thought of you. Hope you are doing well. Say, how are things over at your company? Things are going great here, but I'm starting to feel like there's no growth opportunities. Do you know anyone in HR who . . .

To: Whateverpundit
From: Newpundit
Subject: Still no reply?

Please, I'm begging you. Do you remember what it was like to check your site hits every half hour and find that you've only gotten 1 reader? Do you remember how much that sucked? I'm thinking of giving up. If you would just link to me, I know people would really dig my stuff . . .

To: Whateverpundit
From: Objective1999@cybernetic.org
Subject: Objectivism

I've read your essays off and on, and I think you would benefit from reading Ayn Rand. Her philosophy will open your eyes. You should also read Ludwig von Mises' _Human Action_. His analytical economic approach, when properly understood, provides solutions to all problems facing mankind today. As he wrote on page 598, "the praexological methodology . . .

To: Whateverpundit
From: Newpundit

You must think you are so great with your 437 hits yesterday. Well you know what? I said EVERYTHING you said yesterday, only it was funnier and smarter, and I only got THIRTY-TWO FREAKING HITS!!!! You just got out there sooner, and you got lots of people to link to you, and now you and your little club of bloggers (I know you all talk to each other) think you can just freeze little people like me out. Well the Internet is all about breaking down barriers, and I'm not going to let you get in my way you greedy mother. . .

Posted by Woodlief on March 04, 2003 at 11:30 AM


I could imagine someone actually penning all of those.
"Have you ever thought of being with another man? Just hear me out . . ."
Ha ha ha. That's funny.

Posted by: addison at March 4, 2003 12:22 PM

Ouch! That hurt!

Posted by: Dean Esmay at March 4, 2003 12:34 PM


Posted by: Dean Esmay at March 4, 2003 12:34 PM

You made it to the "Blogs I Dig" section. You're a player, baby!

Posted by: Tony at March 4, 2003 2:11 PM

You mean 30 hits a day isn't pretty good? I've always been quite pleased to get 30 hits even if half of them are from Google searches for "White Cloud Diapers" or kinky things related to nipples. I guess I've been setting my standards too low. :)

Posted by: Jordana at March 4, 2003 9:12 PM

I knew someone had been hacking into my email account and NOW I KNOW WHO!!!!

Posted by: gianna at March 4, 2003 9:52 PM

Tony: aw shux.

Posted by: Dean Esmay at March 5, 2003 1:25 AM

30 a day?!? I get 30 a week, and the only request for a permenant link is from the foreign language course guy... I still don't understand why my linking to his site will drive traffic to mine...

I am quite happy Sand in the Gears is still alive!

Posted by: Glen at March 5, 2003 9:29 AM

Great post, I've linked to it. By the way, I think your blog is great. You really stick it to those liberals. In case you're interested, I also have a blog, at. . . .

Posted by: Conrad at March 5, 2003 11:21 AM


Posted by: s*s*nn* at March 5, 2003 4:32 PM

Listen, "Spartacus," I'm just not interested, okay?

Posted by: Tony at March 6, 2003 10:15 AM

Don't forget the comment box contributors! Some of them feel compelled to post a few drafts of the lengthy article they're going to submit to _Foreign Policy_.

Posted by: The Sanity Inspector at March 6, 2003 11:45 AM

Phew! Good thing I'm not like that...

*obsessively checking sitemeter. Hey, one more hit!*

Extremely funny.

Posted by: Jeff Fecke at March 7, 2003 11:12 AM

Hilarious! And stop breaking into my email box! Of course, I've only left a comment here so others may follow the link back to my blog....

Posted by: Bryan at March 7, 2003 2:23 PM

Great post.

I shall now attempt to prove my moral superiority by NOT posting a link to my blog, though I'm sure that all of you would love it.


Posted by: Not Fishing For Hits at March 13, 2003 6:27 PM