Quote of the Week:

"He is no fool, who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." (Jim Elliot)

Drop me a line if you want to be notified of new posts to SiTG:

My site was nominated for Best Parenting Blog!
My site was nominated for Hottest Daddy Blogger!

This is a Flickr badge showing public photos from Woodlief. Make your own badge here.

The Best of Sand:

The Blog
Greatest Hits
DVD Reviews
Faith and Life
Judo Chops
The Literate Life
News by Osmosis
The Problem with Libertarians
Snapshots of Life
The Sermons

Creative Commons License
All work on this site and its subdirectories is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

Search the Site:

Me Out There:

Free Christmas
Don't Suffer the Little Children
Boys to Men
A Father's Dream
WORLD webzine posts

Not Non-Fiction
The Grace I Know
Coming Apart
My Christmas Story

The Craft:

CCM Magazine
Charis Connection
Faith in Fiction
Grassroots Music

Favorite Journals:

Atlantic Monthly
Doorknobs & Bodypaint
Image Journal
Infuze Magazine
Missouri Review
New Pantagruel
Southern Review

Blogs I Dig:

Education & Edification:

Arts & Letters Daily
Bill of Rights Institute
Junk Science
U.S. Constitution

It's good to be open-minded. It's better to be right:

Stand Athwart History
WSJ Opinion


Home School Legal Defense
Institute for Justice
Local Pregnancy Crisis
Mission Aviation
Prison Ministries
Russian Seminary
Unmet Needs


Cox & Forkum
Day by Day

Donors Hall of Fame

Susanna Cornett
Joe Drbohlav
Anthony Farella
Amanda Frazier
Michael Heaney
Don Howard
Laurence Simon
The Timekeeper
Rob Long
Paul Seyferth

My Amazon.com Wish List

Add to Technorati Favorites

December 19, 2002
Plop, Plop; Fizz, Fizz

I used to look forward to getting a bad cold. This wasn't just because I could then watch "Dumb and Dumber" in the middle of the day and not feel terribly guilty about it. It wasn't just because my sweet woman would bring me chicken noodle soup and Wheat Thins and little slices of cheddar cheese in bed. And it wasn't just because being sick allowed me to take a nice long nap in the middle of the day without ruining my nighttime sleep.

No, what I used to like about the cold was that it offered me the opportunity to take the greatest cold-fighting medication known to man -- orange-flavored Alka-Seltzer Cold and Flu remedy. Plop plop fizz fizz, baby. A shot of fizzy orange tonic, and then lie down on the couch and fall asleep to the gentle sound of Jim Carrey asking, "Hey, want to hear the most annoying sound in the entire world?"

But then they took it off the market. Seems it was giving too many people coronaries. I have been very bitter about this. I mean, so do jogging shoes, but you don't see any overweaning government agency yanking them off the market, now do you? So the Feds deprived me of my meds. Overnight, the cold became less inviting.

A few days ago, the wife and I have collapsed in front of the television to watch a show we are too tired to see, but which we watch anyway, because the prospect of going to sleep only to wake up seemingly instantaneously for another day of labor is more than either of us can bear.

"Look honey," says the wife, gesturing to a commercial running across our television screen, "they've brought back your Alka-Seltzer." She pats me on the shoulder. "Now you can get sick again."

"No," I reply with a surly voice, "it's not the same. They've reformulated it. I need the stuff that can give me a heart attack."

"You don't know -- this could be just as good."

"It's never just as good."

"How do you know that?"

"Two words for you, my friend: New. Coke."

This evokes a visible shudder. I've made my point clear.

Posted by Woodlief on December 19, 2002 at 08:44 AM


There are so many specific instances of this to add that there's no point in adding any of them - this can be the iconic representative. "Plop plop, fizz fizz" indeed.

And the New Coke thing? Ouch. You know, I heard they switched out the sugar for fake stuff and remarketted it as Diet Coke. Never found out if that was true...

Anyway, great post, as always.

Posted by: Deoxy at December 19, 2002 9:51 AM

Finally I see where Brad gets his addiction. I think we hoarded a few after their demise, but they are tightly locked away in a secret place for the coveted sick day. For you, I'll see what I can do.

Posted by: Jessica at December 19, 2002 9:53 AM

Hey, I'm STILL bummed they took Seldane off the market.

My sinuses have never recovered, although the heart flutters continue to this day.

Posted by: Alice at December 19, 2002 11:10 AM

I've always been a fan of NyQuil. I have the best dreams on that stuff.
The generic brands don't do it for me at all.

Posted by: nathan at December 19, 2002 2:14 PM

Nothing is sacred. What with commerce, politics and progress even nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Posted by: Malcolm at December 20, 2002 6:29 AM

It's NEVER the same. They took my Dimetapp 12hr formula off the shelves and returned to the shelves a less effective version. And, it's not even something that they have a generic for just yet. Grrrr!

Posted by: Da Goddess at December 23, 2002 3:42 AM

Fortunately I was able to secure Seldane from a secret stash for a few years after it was taken off the market (also due to coronaries in 80 year old men). My scheme involved a rabbi and the U.S. mail, but it was worth it. Nothing has been the same since -- I now have to take a cocktail of meds just to simulate the effects.

Posted by: Gary at December 29, 2002 1:06 PM