I caught an NPR segment on the "Miss Barstow" contest, an annual beauty pageant in not-so-beautiful Barstow, California. Here's an excerpt:

Master of Ceremonies (to a contestant, as the audience listens): "Jessica, if you could sit down and talk with one famous person who is no longer with us, who would that person be?"

Jessica: "Um, Tom, uh Thomas Edison, because he, like, invented the telephone, and the telephone is um, like, my life. I mean, I'm sorry, but it is, and like I don't know what I'd do without the telephone."

Please understand that in rendering dear Jessica's comments in English, I am not capturing the full flavor of her speech, which seemed to bury the last consonant of every other syllable in that gravel-mouthed manner that has come to characterize teenage lingual patterns. Here is a closer, phonetic transcript of what actually came out of her mouth:

Jessica: "Um, Tom, uh Tomas Edisu, becus he, li, invened thu teluphone, and thu teluphone is um, li, ma la-ife. I me, 'm sorry, but i is, and like I don no wa I'd do withou thu teluphone."

I have no idea why this girl needs a phone. Or a tongue.