My team, Anyone But Duke, won the NCAA men's basketball championship last night. It's not that I have anything against the Duke players, or even their rat-faced, take-a-year-off-when-my-team-is-likely-to-have-a-losing-record coach. It's their students. The students who threw sugar packets on the court during their first home game against Maryland following Len Bias's cocaine overdose. The students who taunted North Carolina player Scott Williams after his father killed his mother before shooting himself. The thousands of pasty, vile, displaced New Jerseyites whose presence is a perpetual stain on the honor and dignity of my home state.

Nope, no bitter feelings toward them at all.

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Interesting commercial during last night's championship game. For $14 I can get a Final Four program. But that's not the best part. The $14 also buys me immortality. I'll quote the commercial:

"Now you can relive the excitement forever, without ever leaving your living room."

Life without end, from the comfort of my living room. I wonder if that includes cable.

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Conversation during the closing ceremonies:

Me: "When are they going to have the "One Shining Moment" video tribute? I'm sick of watching these guys take turns cutting down the net."

Wife: "Why don't they just leave the scissors up there on the ladder instead of carrying them up and down? It's dangerous."

Me: (scribble scribble scribble)

Wife: "What did you just write?"

Me: "Nothing."

Wife: "You're putting what I said on your website, aren't you?"

Me: (guiltily) "Why would you think that?"

Wife: "I'm not talking to you any more."