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Wonderful!
(Sindhu on May 2, 2008 3:47 AM)

The boys played by our new pond a good part of the day. We saw a dead snake floating in it, which I thought would make a good deterrent for Isaac ("See? He drowned. That's an icky snake in there, isn't it?"). Instead he got a stick and tried to fetch the thing out. For the most part there's nowhere on the property where he can drown unless there's been a hard rain, but now I hear there are bobcats.

Bobcats. I was all set to get a rifle, until a friend explained that his daughter shooed one away with a stick once, when it threatened her chickens.

I'm still getting the rifle, with scope, because I also have a beaver issue. Beavers are only cute in cartoons. In real life they chew down your saplings. There's one working on a sapling to which my back porch has a clear LOS. Best get your affairs in order, Mr. Beaver, because there's a new sheriff in town.

I'm sure after a couple of evenings I'll break down and get somebody to trap him, but it gets the blood up nonetheless, playing sniper from one's own back porch, which I could never do in the old neighborhood, except with an invisible rifle, which is a pity because it was a target-rich environment, if only lawyers and accountants were fair game, and around tax time I think we all agree that they should be.

Tomorrow we load a big truck. I'm pretty sure I would rather take a baseball bat across both knees, but with my luck that's not going to happen between now and the time I have to go pick up the truck. So we'll be loading. I may even tell you about it, if I can figure out how to get my satellite-card Internet doohickey thing to work, because in our new and unnamed locale, there's no cable.

No cable, no city water, no sidewalks, no homeowner's association. Actually there is an HOA, but it has one member, and his name is Tony Woodlief. Further, as King of the Woodlief Homeowner's Association, I hereby decree that there will be no ridiculous walls built at homeowner expense, no strictures against ugly treehouses or redneck-looking sheds, and further, that all members of our HOA can walk around buck raving naked whenever they please.

It's good to be the king.

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I'm moving as well, but I think I would rather do the lifting and carrying and loading and unloading than the packing... Jesus have mercy! I hate packing. It's tedious and reminds me that I have stuff I probably don't need, but can't imagine not having just in case. Fortunately my income has been meagre, which has mitigated the growth my of stuff, but I still hate packing. Heck, I'll take the cleaning over the packing. LOS?
(chrish on Apr 22, 2008 12:15 AM)

Lawyers and accountants *aren't* fair game? You mean they're not always in season? Ooopss. About the big truck. Remember that phrase you hear from flight attendents warning you that things "might" have shifted in the overhead bins during the flight? Well, the same applies to the big truck. Beware of flying microwave carts. Don't ask me about my own experience - its just too painful. Head 'em up! Move 'em out!
(Cordeiro on Apr 22, 2008 7:44 AM)

Long live the king.
(Rob H on Apr 22, 2008 7:58 AM)

Nekkid Woodlief Development Zone?
(mdmhvonpa on Apr 22, 2008 9:02 AM)

I've been looking for freedom! :) Congrats and welcome to the Deserted Isle of the Wooded Liefs. ;)
(MMM on Apr 22, 2008 9:50 AM)

King of the WHA? Does this mean that Mrs. Woodlief would be the WHA Empress? Czarina? I pray things go well for you with the move. Even if you are not packrats, the amount of stuff that has to be packed, moved and unpacked can be overwhelming. Adding all of the children's bric-a-brac ... whew. My wife will occasionally pick up one of those free real estate listings brochures. She is not so ready to move after I remind her of all the packing and moving we would have to do. Don't forget to include the photos of you skinning the beaver, curing the pelt and making a nice hat, after a successful kill of course. God bless the people out in the woods preoccupied with their guns and religion.
(Marc V on Apr 22, 2008 11:55 AM)

Ten years ago we moved onto our wooded acreage. Very close to The Aransas Wildlife Refuge. We do have critters, including enough frogs to keep a whole tribe of little boys and girls happy. Last New Years a cougar was spotted in our bonfire area, looking for ham, we think. The raccoon and squirrels are after my tomatoes, so are the birds, being in deep South Texas I already have some ripening. Even the gophers come in to eat the roots of my favorite things. We are our own HOA also, I love to hang sheets on the line, and I do have a clothesline, just for them. Nothing smells as good as a linen closet full of sheets line dried. Happy New Home!
(Ruth H on Apr 22, 2008 3:19 PM)

"Tomorrow we load a big truck. I'm pretty sure I would rather take a baseball bat across both knees..." Actually, you can get the best of both worlds! Do all the loading, and afterwards, you may well feel as if you DID take a baseball bat across both knees! (and other places, eh?) Fun stuff, moving. "as King of the Woodlief Homeowner's Association, I hereby decree that ... all members of our HOA can walk around buck raving naked whenever they please." Heh, I suspect that this decree will not last long... but it is funny! "It's good to be the king." Something I suspect you would enjoy on that topic: Good to be the king? http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=568 Also related to that (though not at all related to your post, really) Thankful day: http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=1429
(Deoxy on Apr 22, 2008 3:38 PM)

Tony, I am so glad that I do not know you face to face right now. If I did the thought of you in the buck sitting on your porch with a freshly cleaned and ready to go 30x30 just would keep me from EVER wanting to visit! Truthfully, congratulations on the house. We all do need a place to be king, and your is a couple of good acres in Kansas. With 4 boys you all will have the terrain mapped, know every fox hole, every place to set up snow forts and will be ready for snow fights in no time. P.S., if that Damn Beaver has built a Dam the best way to get rid of it is to let those boys at it. (mom might not need to know, send her shopping or something) and have fun!
(Carl Holmes on Apr 22, 2008 8:40 PM)

Please post a picture of yourself in the new Beaver hat when possible.
(Rusty on Apr 23, 2008 3:46 PM)

Just a word of caution ... You might want to check with The Queen of the Woodlief Homeowner's Association before you start building a redneck-looking shed. Your previous posts haven't led me to have an image of her thats overly "redneck" :)
(Lucy on Apr 24, 2008 9:44 AM)

I am SO envious. *sigh*
(Max D. on Apr 27, 2008 1:03 PM)

We are moving into a new office, as opposed to a home, and are now painting as well. I admit my wife had to push pretty hard to get me moving but finally inertia flows! Hopefully the results will be worth it: a little private domain...at least at times...roughly suited to our likings...as much as the current treaury can avail. Here's to carving out our places in the world: kingship and castle! Brent Davis
(Brent Davis on Apr 28, 2008 11:19 AM)

Line Of Sight May I suggest a nice .22-250, probably a Remington Model 700 VLS, with a Leupold VX-II 6-18x40mm for optics?
(B on May 5, 2008 8:57 PM)

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I have not lived.”
(David Andersen on May 6, 2008 9:02 PM)

A problem with the study, notes an economics professor at Syracuse University, is that a large portion of the men in urban communities have been imprisoned, limiting their earning potential, and hence the positive economic effect of marriage. Other critics note that there is little evidence that marriage programs like those advocated by the backers of this study have any impact. We need better jobs, they argue, and better education.

It seems the hole is much deeper than either left or right is willing to fathom. Does anyone really think that the hundreds of thousands of children born in the worst urban areas without fathers in their lives are deprived of this necessity because these men can't find work? Is it the presence of a job that makes a man live up to his responsibilities? Is it a college degree?

No, it's moral backbone, and there's no program that will implant one where it is absent. And so the cycle is now in a self-fueling frenzy — boys grow up without men to guide them, and girls grow up desperate for male attention, and when they meet, a new crop of neglected children is produced.

Better jobs wouldn't hurt, nor better schools, nor perhaps even programs designed to promote responsible parenting. But this madness will end one life at a time, one man at a time, each willing to set aside his excuses and enter the daily grind that is parenting.

I'm still sorting out, in my own life, what it means to be a man. But I'm certain that you can't be one if you're not willing to care for your children. You can kill the enemy in war, score forty points a game, become CEO of your company — but none of it will make you a man. There are a great many fathers in our country, but significantly fewer men. And given an illegitimacy rate nationwide that is approaching 40 percent, and one closer to 90 percent in the inner cities, this ought to be a topic every pastor covers on a regular basis.

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Sometimes I wonder what kind of man I am. Do I truly love God? Love my family? How can I compare to those Hero's of WWII? But every night I tuck my children in bed with bedtime prayer, hugs and kisses. Pour glasses of orange juice in the morning and share laughter in the face of springtime. I don't know. But I am known. I trust that if in life whether or not I accomplish anything of merit, I will hear "well done" because I have been a father.
(Jim Ratajski on Apr 15, 2008 12:25 PM)

moral backbone Amen.
(Cordeiro on Apr 15, 2008 2:47 PM)

Maybe this is just semantics, but I think that all you need to be a man is two testicles and a penus, but being a father/husband takes self sacrifice and the moral backbone. Part of the problem is that boys are "trying" to be a man, but they have had no one tell them that being a man is purely biological, and have seen too many wrong examples of "manhood". (CEO, athletic/sexual prowess etc.) Maybe if we had more men tell the young men in this country that you are men, now go be fathers, husbands, providers, it would remove some of the wrong headed ideas about what it is to be a man.
(Tim F on Apr 16, 2008 12:13 PM)

Just to clarify, because one is a single parent doesn't mean the other parent isn't involved in their childrens lives. You seem to have conflated and confused the two issues. "Single parent" could mean never married, could mean divorced, could mean widowed, could mean separated. Supposedly, over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Failure of a marriage does not mean failure as a parent. Just makes it more challenging.
(ruralcounsel on Apr 17, 2008 1:24 PM)

Another cause of failed parenting is when a custodial parent poisons the children into hating the noncustodial parent and everything they stand for. That noncustodial parent does everything in their power to remain a part of their children's lives and tries to teach them right from wrong, only to be thwarted at every turn by a custodial parent who berates them, harasses them, and trashes them. Result: a 20-year-old son who quit school and stopped talking to his father five years ago and got furious when his father moved farther away to take a new job and a new career when nothing was available close by. That father will never know that he may be a grandfather down the road. That father...is me.
(Macker on Apr 20, 2008 11:20 PM)

If you're even wondering if you are enough of a man in your fatherhood walk, chances are you're okay on that score. Sub-par people will harp on the good they do, whereas good people are scarcely aware of their goodness, but rather brood over their perceived shortcomings. Our children will grow up, hit an age where they look back and appraise the job we did raising them. All you can do is hope they'll be merciful.
(The Sanity Inspector on Apr 23, 2008 11:15 AM)

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tony, as i think about missions, not having trekked to a third world country, i wonder about that Great Commission injunction of Jesus. Didn't he say to go into 'all' the world? What about folks in the inner cities right here in the U.S.? To really stir things up-is the church pre-occupied with 'world' missions to such an extent that neighbors in the local church's backyard are going 'hungry'? I wonder..
(karen on Apr 14, 2008 11:54 AM)

Well said, Tony. I have 2 boys (8 and 5) and I want so much for them to have an undertanding of the great needs so many people have - not just material ones but also for Christ. That being said, we live in Houston: you don't have to go far to find people whose lives are very different from our own. So for now, we're focusing on our own part of the world. In particular, for my 8 year old: (1) he helps me read to pre-school kids at a neighborhood center, and hopefully someday will be able to tutor in reading, (2) we attend a church with a wide range of social/economic backgrounds - he has already had the unfortunate experience of helping a good friend mourn the loss of his older brother to gang violence, (3) we work on witnessing (in word and in deed) to friends at school who don't know Christ, (4) he helps me cook meals for weekly Bible study and bake communion bread - in other words, he has a world of service right at his doorstep. Later on, after some volunteer experiences of his own here in town - and as he gets older - if he feels called to go abroad (and teach English for a summer, or something longer-term and more useful than what you can accomplish in a week) then I'd love for him to go. But before that I'd like to see him develop the heart for such things, and the skills to make himself a real blessing to the people he's sent to help. Two asides: (1) Our former church has, as one of their many mission trips, a family trip to a former Eastern Bloc country, where they run a VBS for a week. All that way, all that money, to run VBS in an existing church? They couldn't have sent a few people a year or 2 in a row to train the locals? Help! (2) The pastor at our current church recently announced that "some of you are going to need to go to Africa this year" (to work on projects related to water wells we're helping raise money for). But the next sentence out of his mouth was "But most of you are going to need to stay here and give financial support instead - this is not a glorified vacation, folks." He wants teachers, carpenters, doctors and nurses who can commit to a month or so of work and training - but he does not want all of us to pack up and rush off, just because we need to have some spiritual experience of our own. Can you tell one of the reasons why we're in a new church? Thanks so much for all your writing. It's a joy to read.
(Tari on Apr 14, 2008 1:54 PM)

First, read the research by Ram Cnaan about how much the average church does for its neighborhood. He uses Philadelphia as the research base and found that each church of 100 or so people did almost $300,000.00 annually in social good. Second, read, "When Charity Destroys Dignity" by Glenn Schwartz, a missions exec. to evaluate when a project is helpful or harmful. I have been establishing training centers internationally for many years and a lot of church mission trips are harmful.
(Gary Sweeten on Apr 14, 2008 9:45 PM)

A well-considered viewpoint, Tony (as usual). I was immediately defensive (at the title), but should have known you'd thought about the issue carefully. I have seen some change in some youth as a result of foreign trips, but have also seen churches going overboard with trips to faraway lands, the purpose of which not seemingly justified by the huge expenses. I rather like the model our current church uses: for the international trips (of which there might be two a year), it is mostly adults; the youth instead pack into vans and drive a state or two away to work at summer camps for disabled children, or do something on a Native American reservation (at a cost obviously MUCH below any trip involving a flight).
(Paul on Apr 15, 2008 12:10 AM)

Although a "big" overnight trip can theoretically be a good thing, I'm left wondering about the lack of day-trips. The lack of consistancy. Not just volunteering for a few days, but showing up one day each week for weeks on end. It feels like we're trying to force the issue of spiritual change (ie "give me patience right now). Coupled with glamour and the "must be fun or youth won't do it" attitude. Seriously? We NEED a party after each youth "event"? I have to wonder. What do we REALLY want these trips to teach our youth? If we REALLY wanted to teach them about service, wouldn't we embrace programs with better results? Perhaps we WANT to support them going on these trips because we want to believe our own lack of local service is ok. Sure, we say we want our youth to change, to be on "fire" for the Lord. But really? Most congregations would face a nightmare of epic proportions if their youth group came back spiritually changed from a trip! Can you imagine a youth group encouraging the congregation to volunteer locally, to embrace the poor, to welcome the downtrodden into their midst regardless of their personal hygiene issues? Sadly, I suspect that we want a youth group we are comfortable with, not one thats realized a significant spiritual change for the better.
(Lucy on Apr 16, 2008 12:43 PM)

Tony - I enjoyed the article at WotW and the comments. Questioning missions work is a hot-button for some folks. Raymond Ibrahim over at Victor Davis Hanson's site gave great coverage on Father Zakaria Botros. Now that is a missionary! He also has his own website. Would our missionary $$ be better spent supporting his ministry than sending a group to the Middle East? Probably safer ...
(Marc V on Apr 17, 2008 12:04 PM)

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I hadn't heard of Rosie Thomas before - just checked her out on iTunes and I love her voice. Thank you for sharing. (I'm not just talking about the music....thank you for sharing all that you do.) -Renee
(Renee on Apr 20, 2008 2:07 AM)

Which is inconvenient, because every once in a while I try to sleep between those hours. This morning I was coming out of the bathroom a little before six, freshly shaved and showered, wearing my navy business suit on account of needing to bring some smack today, and there he stood in the bedroom doorway, like a little haunt. Frankly, he scared the bejeesus out of me, but when you're wearing your smack-bringing business suit, you have to play it cool.

So I picked him up, and he pressed his warm chubby cheek against my neck, and I carried him to his bathroom. There we enacted our usual routine, in which he leans back against my legs and tries to fall asleep in mid-pee, and I try to keep him pointed at the interior part of the toilet.

I don't care how nice your suit is, there's just no looking cool in that situation.

Afterward, I carried him to his bed, and tucked him back in. He told me goodnight, even though daylight was beginning to whisper its arrival. Little stinker.

Every night before I put him to bed, I fuss at him not to wake me up. But part of me, the part that has given up on foolish ideals like world peace and a good night's sleep, is glad that he searches me out in the dark hours. I doubt he even remembers these times, but I like to think that some part of him will remember that when he needed me in the darkness, I was there.

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if i was wearing mascara, you'd be in serious trouble!
(karen on Apr 11, 2008 3:31 PM)

The smell of a kid asleep with warm cheeks and tousled hair is worth all the rumpled suits and early morning pee times. Great memories from long ago.
(Gary Sweeten on Apr 12, 2008 7:20 AM)

Actually, you probably looked way cool in that situation. I've also heard rumors that its really cool when a guy does housework ...
(Lucy on Apr 13, 2008 4:30 PM)

Tony, I love your stuff. It's especially relevant because my boy is 11 months and a little crawling dynamo, and I'm still trying to figure out MY manhood and now I have to direct his. To that end, I just finished reading your book(let) a little while ago, and tomorrow I'll send another copy to my brother (girl, boy, girl). Thanks!
(Max D. on Apr 15, 2008 2:56 AM)

I just happened across this post today. Sounds a bit like my overnight routine. Isn't fatherfood the best?
(steve on Apr 17, 2008 2:27 PM)

Why are you so damn good at making me cry . . .? I love that. My little guy almost always wakes me up around 3 or 4 in the morning needing a hug. This really means that he wants to crawl in bed with me and snuggle for the last couple hours of the "night" before the ritual of "Hurry up! Get Dressed! Get your book-bag! Where's your OTHER shoe?!" begins. Thank God he does that. Otherwise, life would sometimes seem like one long rant.
(J Ponzi on Apr 24, 2008 4:39 PM)

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Iron and Wine is terrific! I like this version of the song better than the one on the original album. I haven't really been able to understand them. For people that don't claim to follow Christ they sure have a lot of biblical allusions.
(Jeff on Apr 14, 2008 3:49 PM)

"We know that we are less than our names: we are our names minus whatever belongs in the empty place. And the question a man is apt to ask in the darkest moments of his life is what salvation can there be, from anywhere, for the man who is less than his name."

Frederick Buechner, "The Sign by the Highway"

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Any guy who reads Buechner is okay by me. :-) Ever read Brendan?
(Sloan on Apr 22, 2008 10:01 PM)

Just don't ask me to pose for a calendar.

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Beefcake?! And I thought all these years I've been coming here for quality writing and humor? I want my money back.
(Jeff Brokaw on Apr 9, 2008 9:41 PM)

I'm not on the list. Maybe my nomination got lost in the ether.
(Cordeiro on Apr 10, 2008 7:17 AM)

Brawn AND brains? Your wife is blessed (don't remind her, LOL). I know you're raising those 4 little petit fours to honor their mama. Gotta love it when there's beef AND cake. Woooo hoooooo!!
(C. Brace on Apr 10, 2008 8:51 AM)

You have finally made it. Congratulations!
(Heather on Apr 10, 2008 1:33 PM)

The thing was, not a one of them was smiling. There were young couples, groups of gawking frat boys, middle-aged Italians, elderly singles being pushed by their offspring in wheelchairs, or perhaps hobbling along on walkers. Men and women of all ages, manners of dress, languages and dialects. All had flown to Las Vegas, the sleepless city, the city that knows how to keep a secret, the city of lights and fortunes, and every blessed one of them looked like someone awaiting execution.

Perhaps people have more fun at the shows and restaurants. But you can get better versions of each in New York, Chicago, San Francisco, heck, even Atlanta. No, what sets Las Vegas apart is the gambling, and perhaps the prostitution. Millions of people visit every year, and I wonder, does a one of them find what he is looking for?

Do they even know what they seek?

Which I suppose can be asked of us all, not just the poor souls sitting numbly in front of those cold machines with the pretty, pretty lights. The answer, I think, is that we are seeking something that will fill the great Empty.

It runs right through the middle of you, this emptiness, and though every good writer has tried to describe it, and though we all know it is there, we are most of us terribly afraid to think about it, which is perhaps why a place like Las Vegas can exist at all.

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Recommend any authors/works on the subject of That Emptiness?
(R. Brown on Apr 9, 2008 2:43 PM)

My wife and I stopped in Las Vegas in 1976 while driving to California to deliver some papers at a conference on psychology. We went to several of the casinos and watched people. Since I am a therapist I was interested in their body language and the ways they interacted with each other. Each of us echoed your comments about the lack of smiles and the absence of fun. Their affect was flat, expressionless and there was a distinct lack of interaction among the people. It was robotic and creepy. In a high tech world we need more high touch places to congregate not more computer chips hiding as fun machines.
(Gary Sweeten on Apr 9, 2008 2:47 PM)

R. Brown-- Perhaps the following cuts right to the quick of "That Emptiness" we see in Vegas and as we walk the streets of whatever town in which we find ourselves. Focus particularly on the portions I've put between asterisks. "Death is the result of separation from God, Who alone has immortality and is the source of life. Death is the "sin of this world" because it is the manifestation in all mankind of an alienation from God. When we refer to individual sins, we are not referring to "breaches of law" but to any and every action which separates us from God or increases our alienation from Him. **Fear of death leads us into more and more individual sins and also into the corporate sins of society (such as neglecting the poor, waging wars of conquest, etc.) The root of all sin is egoism and self-love, and the fear of death pushes man into more and more deeds and life styles of egoism and self-love.** Thus, "The wages of sin is death" (Rm.6:23) While death is the product of sin (Rm.5:12), Sin is the falling short of the goal of everlasting life in union with God (theosis). Thus sin and death are partners, or rather "shades of the same thing." As the root of them is our egoism and self-love, our self-absorption and self-centredness, the healing of them is the unconditional, co-suffering love of God in Jesus Christ, which recapitulates our nature (Eph. 1:10). Having received such a gift of divine love, our struggle is to assimilate it to ourselves and struggle to conquer our own egoism, replacing it with unselfish love. This is the path toward a re-orientation of our lives toward the will of God, and the very meaning of faith, the faith that saves us where works of the law could not, is an unconditional orientation toward the will of God. This is not a call for moral codes or moralisms, but a call for a transformation of the human heart toward unselfish love of God and neighbour." -- Archbishop Lazar Puhalo
(Jay Smith on Apr 10, 2008 10:36 AM)

It ain't called "Sin City" for nuttin'! After you get past the drones attached to their buzzing slot machines (reminds me of the "Matrix"), you have to contend with the wanna-be high rollers at the blackjack, roulette and poker tables. You may see a few more smiles from them than the "slotters", but not many more. My brother decided to get married there a few years back. At the time we could not afford for my wife and son to fly out, so I flew solo. Much prayer before and during helped me to survive my first (and hopefully only) trip there. I don't know how some people can function daily in that spiritual oppression/darkness. Not only do people want to fill some kind of emptiness there, but they want something for (next to) nothing. Who doesn't like free drinks, cheap buffets and comped rooms? It's all provided for a "little" gambling.
(Marc V on Apr 10, 2008 11:52 AM)

R., What comes to mind, in no particular order, and in now way comprehensive: Frederick Buechner: see in particular his Secrets in the Dark and Telling the Truth Walker Percy: The Moviegoer Robert Penn Warren: All the King's Men Flannery O'Connor's "A Good Man is Hard to Find" and "Good Country People" Anything by Chekhov or Dostoevsky
(Tony on Apr 10, 2008 1:22 PM)

I suspect those people don't smile much regardless of where they are.
(Lucy on Apr 13, 2008 4:34 PM)

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No, that would be you and his mother.
(Ray Fowler on Apr 5, 2008 8:36 PM)

I'm with ya...
(Rob on Apr 5, 2008 10:03 PM)

Why, I don't know. I'm not sure . . . maybe so.
(ac5 on Apr 6, 2008 5:43 AM)

I wanna draw on his whiteboard too. And then maybe his face.
(MMM on Apr 7, 2008 1:34 AM)

Is this one of those TV things? My TiVo wards off that nasty stuff.
(mdmhvonpa on Apr 7, 2008 10:00 AM)

That is pretty much the same prescription I would give to those commercials. It probably isn't fair, but somehow his hair gets the blame for his smug demeanor. Perhaps his hair is only cloaking the obvious attitude that he knows much more than you will ever know.... and with much less effort. I heard that this guy was raised from seed pellet in California- where all good and wise things are from.
(George on Apr 8, 2008 8:10 AM)

Hilarious! I had this same thought this morning at the gym as I pedaled on the stationary bike and found myself imagining what he would look like with a more tailored 'do. Congrats on that award, btw. I'm sure your wife is very proud!
(Rachel on Apr 10, 2008 2:09 PM)

Funny. I first saw it during the ncaa's. I turned to my friend at the table and asked "why is that hippy telling me how to send stuff?"
(buzz on Apr 29, 2008 11:11 PM)

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oh how rich the poor.. thank you.
(karen on Apr 4, 2008 2:42 PM)

I work for Compassion International. This is what gets me up and gets me going in the morning. Thanks for sharing.
(Carl Holmes on Apr 4, 2008 5:15 PM)

Make sure you check out all of Sara Groves' music. We were fortunate enough to see her live recently; she came to speak and sing at our church's annual missions conference. She's a real treat - a Christian artist who is a REAL songwriter/pianist/vocalist. http://www.saragroves.com/
(Brad on Apr 9, 2008 9:09 PM)

This is a common tactic for Caleb; he innocently asks for my parental advice, while keeping his reading book by his side, in hopes that I'll inadvertently answer one of the questions for him. His teacher has scolded me enough times, however, that I'm on to this trick. Even if I didn't care so much about his education, I would still have to listen to my son's teacher, because I have to sleep with the woman.

So I answered: "I don't know, son. What does your essay say you should do?"

Caleb scrutinized the essay, looking for clues. "Oh," he said. "If they call me a coward, I'm supposed to agree with them."

Now he had my attention. "Can I see that book?" He handed me the book. The essay explained that the best way to deal with bullies is to let them do what they want, and not fight back. If they call you names, laugh along with them. If they call you a coward, tell them they're right. Bullies like it when they're confronted, the essay explained.

"Give me your pencil," I said to Caleb. He handed it over. I crossed out a good quarter of the essay, leaving the parts about how bullies are disturbed and unhappy, and how it's important to tell adults when you're getting bullied.

"Why'd you cross those sentences out?"

"Because sometimes the best way to deal with a bully is to punch him in the nose as hard as you can, and to keep punching him until he falls down."

"Oh."

I know, I know, turn the other cheek, and all that. I'll get my sons started on pacifism once they're confident they can punch out the bully. Because unless you're willing to punch the bully, turning the other cheek isn't Christianity, it's cowardice.

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Preach it Bro! I tell my son the same thing - Don't ever back down, give up, or quit.
(Donny Prater on Apr 3, 2008 2:17 PM)

Karate lessons are the way to go! They gave my peace-loving guys a lot of confidence, and they had to use their skills only once or twice.
(Julia P. on Apr 3, 2008 2:29 PM)

Amen Tony!
(Lynne on Apr 3, 2008 2:38 PM)

Excellent advice Tony! 99 44/100% of the time it's all bullies and tyrants understand. Being a Christian isn't about appeasement. We need to raise future Churchills not Chamberlains! Some valuable quotes: No people in history have ever survived who thought they could protect their freedom by making themselves inoffensive to their enemies. - Dean Acheson An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last. - Winston Churchill No man can tame a tiger into a kitten by stroking it. There can be no appeasement with ruthlessness. There can be no reasoning with an incendiary bomb. - Franklin D Roosevelt Appeasers believe that if you keep on throwing steaks to a tiger, the tiger will become a vegetarian. - Heywood Broun
(Tom on Apr 3, 2008 3:37 PM)

As the father of a 1st grade boy I say GO BOY! My son came home last month bloodied and with a note from the teacher. As I investigated I found that a boy started it, he finished it politely and quickly. It was enough to bring me to tears. Mom, and the school, were less forgiving. On his day of suspension for fighting we went to the zoo, saw some real tiger fighting, and did the man thing. I think that is the best bonding we have ever done.
(Carl Holmes on Apr 3, 2008 4:32 PM)

I remember asking my father for permission to get in a fight when I was a freshman in highschool. I had had all I could take from one guy in particular who was being a "bottom" (if you get my drift). Anyway, the first answer I got from my dad was "Only if you win!" The second answer I got was, "Have you prayed about this?" Later that night, my dad (a pastor) was in an elders meeting and he called me in. He had asked the elders what they thought, and it was split down the middle as to whether I should face this guy down physically. However, they were all agreed that I should pray that the situation would stop, and they prayed for me before I left. The Lord is good, and I was never bothered by that guy again. But if I had been... my mind was made up! It was time to fight. Raise your son to be a man!
(Joseph on Apr 3, 2008 5:48 PM)

I shall come out from my Google Reader and mess with the commenting system to say that this is truth!
(6YearMed on Apr 3, 2008 8:39 PM)

If he pulls a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That's the Chicago way. - Jimmy Malone to Eliot Ness in The Untouchables Ok, maybe your instructions on just punching the bully several times is more appropriate counsel for a young boy, but the concept is the same. Very good work in your editing of that pacifist handboock masquerading as an instructional essay.
(Cordeiro on Apr 4, 2008 7:33 AM)

Bring the smack, and PWN the bully. God has knocked me on my ass enough times to know that it's a teaching tool. Now I take martial arts so I know how to do it right. Bullies, you can has PWNS only from teh prettie folwr of Ceiling Cat.
(MMM on Apr 4, 2008 11:13 AM)

Bullies like to be confronted? In what universe? Who comes up with this crap?
(buzz on Apr 29, 2008 11:14 PM)

I like that verse. Jeremiah 29:11 because it deals with tough times and war crimes. If a bully bullies all his/her henchmen away then a mutiny occurs so the first one who doesn't turn the cheek is the traitor who starts the mutiny. Machiavelli would say and that traitor gets crowned King for being the most feared backstabber on the playground. That's good advice for a child. I never heard my Dad question the Bible or make me wonder if my interpretation of a word was wrong. I figure that you keep turning the other cheek until the other person begins treating you like less than a human being in that case- Kill the dumb machine!
(Yevolto on May 4, 2008 3:43 AM)

In election news, Barack Obama was discovered to be a member of the Evangelical Church of Farrakhan, but insists that he only mouthed the words during the hymns. Hillary Clinton's camp has also accused Obama of trying to prevent blacks from voting, due to his fear, no doubt, of the tremendous appeal that a privileged, uptight white woman has for African-American voters.

Clinton, meanwhile, reluctantly revealed that she was a Navy SEAL in Bosnia, where she and her daughter Chelsea took sniper fire while rescuing orphans — regardless of their religion, ethnicity, or sexual persuasion — from danger.

On the Republican side, John McCain has died of old age.

In local politics, New York governor Eliot Spitzer revealed that he's been patronizing hookers, but insisted that this was part of an elaborate sting operation directed against corrupt HMO executives, who are the real enemy here. The scrupulously ethical New York legislature is investigating whether Spitzer used public resources to underwrite his peccadilloes, and why he couldn't use interns like everyone else.

On the economic front, we are in the Great Depression II. From now on we have to call the first one Great Depression I, which means we'll have to change all the history books, which Paul Krugman believes is exactly the kind of stimulus we need to get the economy going. Both Depressions were caused by twelve years of Reaganomics, along with feckless 1960's-era liberal Democratic spending, which is always what happens when Republicans control Congress.

The War on Terror, meanwhile, is a catastrophic failure, and an unmitigated success. Everyone agrees that we should withdraw as soon as possible, so long as we stay the course.

In college sports, four teams are set to play for the NCAA men's national basketball championship in San Antonio. The NCAA wants you to know that all of the student-athletes on these teams are majoring in medicine or engineering, and quite possibly both, and that they are students first and foremost, and that it is these fine student-athletes who are the nation's future leaders. In related news, NCAA schools stand to rake in roughly 100 gazillion dollars this year from media and merchandising revenue, but the NCAA stresses that it wouldn't be fitting to share any of this with the student-athletes, who are, after all, students.

The Olympics, meanwhile, are set to begin in China, which is an open and free country where citizens are encouraged to make their voices heard, so long as they do it quietly and respectfully between the hours of 10:00pm and 10:05pm Beijing time. A few rabble-rousers have tried to disrupt the torch procession, but these are the same people who don't like McDonald's and waterboarding, and given that otherwise we'll be denied thirty-seven straight weeks of tae-kwon-do and ping-pong, they should all just stow it and let the games begin.

In professional baseball, all past players are drug-addled cheaters, but the current crop is squeaky clean.

Your local weather is crappy, with variable crappiness, and possible crap in the very near future. Unless you live in California, in which case the rest of us think you should go straight to hell.

Finally, our ombudsman reports that the major media outlets are unashamedly biased for and against each presidential candidate, which is exactly what we should expect from an unaccountable left-wing cabal of lock-step liberals wholly owned by conservative corporations. Only Fox News can be trusted to give us a fair and balanced argument for an end to universal suffrage and the reinstitution of slavery.

Thank you, and good night.

Comments (3)

Comments on this Entry:

You forgot to include the mention of John McCain being stuffed into a waiting hearse all the while shouting "I feel happy!!!"
(Cordeiro on Apr 2, 2008 10:14 AM)

And that little synopsis my friend just got you nominated for your own Edward R Murrow award for excellence in Journalism!
(Carl Holmes on Apr 2, 2008 4:21 PM)

John McCain has died of old age. He's only mostly dead.
(Ed Flinn on Apr 4, 2008 12:49 PM)